Dear Eric,
I wanted to share with you that my adult nephew and his girlfriend recently welcomed a new baby into their lives. While I am happy for them, I am also concerned about their current situation. Both of them are in their mid-30s and are currently unemployed. Additionally, my nephew has been struggling with mental health issues. With his mother passing away a few years ago, his remaining family support system consists of his grandparents, aunts, and uncles.
As I navigate my feelings about this situation, I am torn between not wanting to punish the baby for their parents’ choices, but also not wanting to enable their current behavior. In an effort to find a balance, I have set up a 529 college account for the child and am willing to cover additional experiences such as camp or classes. However, some members of the family believe that we should be helping the baby now, rather than waiting for the future.
I am struggling with feelings of anger and frustration towards the new parents for not demonstrating basic parenting skills or adult behavior. How can I move past these emotions and find a way to support the baby without enabling their parents’ actions?
